Organic Orange

Noises from the kitchen startle me awake. My eyes fly open and I sit up; I expect to hear hurried shuffling, and yet no sound follows. My dog lay still asleep on the ground besides my bed. Perhaps it was just a dream, I think to myself. After a few deep breaths, I calm my anxiety and rest my head back on the soft, white pillow.

This time a crash rang from the hallway. My dog begins to stir. Was it an intruder? Would he be armed? In my fear and tired confusion, I grab my Geometry textbook as a weapon, creep towards the door, and slowly peek at what lingers in the hallway.

A disgusting, rotten beast lies in wait around the corner.

“Aaaaaah!!” A gigantic mutant apple with three human eyes and a large slobbering mouth swings about and leaves a bloody trail on the carpet floor! He gnashes his teeth and runs towards me as I slam the door shut and hold it closed. Violent vibrations shoot through me and the door as the apple lunges.

“You should have bought organic! Grraaaaaagh!” The apple howled. “I’m covered in toxic pesticides! You humans caused me to mutate like this! And you will pay!!”

“No!” I cried. “I’m sorry! We can’t afford organic!”

“You can’t afford organic, eh?” He steps away from the door momentarily to laugh. “Well, then can you afford to… die?!” Immediately the apple thrusts into the door and sends it and me crashing into the floor.

“Noo! I’m sorry! I didn’t know!” It’s hopeless. The giant apple has me pinned to the floor. My heart taunts me, counting down to my final breath with every beat. Immediately his worm-like mutant arms move up and clasp around my throat.

“Oh, you didn’t know? Huhuhu, well that changes everything!” He spits on the floor. “Thanks to you, chemicals are being pumped into the air, soil, water, and even other human beings’ bodies! Every day mothers pass on harmful chemicals to their infants! Farm pollution is continuously on the rise! Small farmers are losing their jobs! And you’re concerned about money?!”

“Noooooooo! Help! Help!”

He opens his mouth to chomp as if in slow motion. Slobber drips onto my cheek and runs down my face smelling like mold. Then, as if in slow motion, a loud whoosh almost throws him off of me. A giant warm figure in a green jumpsuit rushes past, picks up the mutant and smashes him onto the floor. He shrieks as a chunk of his side is torn from him and his arm breaks off.

“I shall save you, protagonist!” In an overdramatic woman’s voice, my savior steps one foot atop the mutant’s gruesome corpse. She is a beautiful, fire orange orange; the most gorgeous orange I’ve ever seen! Across her chest is the words “Organic Orange”, in an indescribably flawless font. Tears of joy and wonder well up in my eyes. I’m completely immobilized by amazement.

“Get your organic privilege away from me…” groans the apple, clearly in pain.

“Protagonist,” she offers her hand to me. “Only you can help me rid the world of this monster. You and you alone.”

I glance at the disgusting apple mush and immediately jerk my head away. Nauseating! I can’t believe I was going to eat that! One of the worm arms begins stirring and attempts to burrow into my bedroom floor. “But… how? I’m a mere mortal! I have no special strength!”

Organic Orange takes a deep breath and pulls a gigantic toothpick out of her thick skin. She raises the toothpick like a spear, directs it directly above the mutant applesauce, and with a shout stabs it downwards. Except… instead of aiming for the apple, she aims for herself. She pierces herself in the side, tearing her flesh and letting loose a small stream of orange juice. A sweet, fruity smell wafts in the air. “Drink it, Protagonist! Quickly! Before the apple regains consciousness!”

Pfft. No way I’m saying no to that! I crawl over to the flowing juice and carefully lift it to my lips. Immediately the tasty, tasty juice gives me a surge of power. I take another sip, and my skin begins literally glowing. I take a third, and my muscles rip through my pajama top.

“Get him…” Organic Orange struggles to speak. “Get him… in the name of all that’s organic…” She topples over and knocks down the bookcase.

“Noo!” I watch the last light of life disappear from Organic Orange’s eyes, then turn in anger towards the apple. I brush away my tears in the most theatrical way I can manage, then turn to the revolting slab of worms, mold, and applesauce quivering on the ground. He begins to move. Looking up to me, his eyes express a desperate plea for his life.

“I’m sorry, Apple…” I whisper. “I’m sorry, but I must do this… I must put you out of your misery…”

So I bring my face to his side and take a big bite. He wails loudly and attempts to throw himself around, but I take mercy on his spirit and take another bite. I sink my teeth deep through his thin apple skin and rip piece after piece from him. In the midst of the squawking I force myself to remember that this is for his own good. No matter how difficult or disturbing, I must end this poor non-organic apple’s suffering.

Just before the final bite, a flash of realization crosses his little face. His shaky voice ceases to shout. He calms his body’s tension and lays tranquil in my arms. I look into his eyes, and I don’t see evil. I see the burden of a tortured and oppressed existence. A lifetime of suffering for the greedy desires of rich landowners. I see bitterness… but above all, I see pain. His eyelids slowly droop over his glassy eyes and the apple barely manages to squeeze out his final utterance:

“Th-thank… you.”

The final piece of the apple creeps slowly down my throat. The glow of my skin fades. My muscles shrink back to nothing. All the toxins from the apple cancel out my organic superpowers, it seems. If I hadn’t been equipped with Organic Orange’s sacred blood surely I’d have died. I direct my attention to the carpet beneath me, soaked with the dear orange fluid.

“It is only me…” I whisper. “It is only me that can save the world.”

I bring my face to the floor and lap up the juice. It ignites a party in my mouth far greater than anything shown in a Cool Whip commercial. Once more my skin glows and my muscles expand. Except… this time, I don’t stop drinking. This time I continue to consume it. My skin exceeds merely glowing and begins to harden into a thick orange shell. I feel myself growing fatter and mushier. My legs grow thicker to accommodate the extra weight, and my arms turn white and small in a way that resembles Mickey Mouse’s. My neck disappears as my head morphs into my body. Though the change seems strange, I embrace it, for it was given to me from the mighty juice of Organic Orange. I look at myself in the dresser mirror across the room. Waiting. Waiting for the outcome of the transformation. Waiting to witness what I know is to come.

So my face slides swiftly to its final resting place on my body, and my orange tears fall down on my orange body. I never even dreamed of looking as beautiful as I am at this moment. My entire person is fiery orange and perfectly spherical. My legs and arms are short but flawless. If I were to bite myself, I would taste delicious. I…. I have become Organic Orange.

So I take the green jumpsuit from my dearest martyr’s body and step through it. Now, the divine words “Organic Orange” shall be printed on my body. The prized fluid of organic fruit now runs through my veins. And now, it is my duty to protect the world from the horrific dangers of non-organic food.

I fly out the window and ascend up to the top of the highest building. Below, the citizens of Midlothian sleep silently and peacefully, the dangers of their fruits and vegetables unknown to them. A smile crosses my gigantic face. This is certainly what I was born for.

“Children of Midlothian,” I cry out. “Do not fear! Though the FDA has failed to preserve your health, I have arrived to be your savior! I shall shield you from the pain of non-organic foods!”

“How long? How long must we wait for justice?” I continue. “From the day they sprout, the plants in our farms grow in a disgusting excuse for fertilizer that is little more than sewer sludge! Poisons are sprayed onto everything, devastating the ecosystem we depend on and leaving traces of toxicity in the food we trustingly consume! Even the animals we save for the slaughter are treated with all kinds of hormones and medications that save them temporarily from disease, but set the stage for disastrous superbug bacteria in the future. Wouldn’t it be great if we could find a panacea for these problems? Wouldn’t it just be amazing if there were some sort of easy solution?”

“Oh, wait! People of Midlothian, there is a solution! For just a little extra money, you can get food free from all of this garbage and support smaller farmers at the same time! For just that little extra money, you can get food healthier for you, healthier for the ecosystem, healthier for our nation’s agriculture, and tastier overall! Why have we been saying no to this? Why won’t we allow ourselves a better quality of life?”

I fly down near the ground. By this time, people have already awoken and began to gather in the streets. Zooming past the crowd, I hold out my hand to allow the children to touch me. High fives, cheers, and dancing all welcome me as the new superhero of Midlothian. Organic apples begin to rain from the sky onto the hungry crowd. One of them falling past me looks exactly like the mutant- the mutant reincarnated into a new, organic life. For the second time this story, I start crying of joy.

Midlothian has become a new, organic utopia.

Based on a true story.